posted 05-19-2003 06:35 AM              

McDowd

Return of Freddy Crouger
By Eric Schulte (McDowd)

Characters:
Thunder (c) Kristen Couglhan
Cody McDowd (c) Eric S.
Taco (c) Kristen Coughlan
Kylie (c) Eric S.
Nala (c) Eric S.
Joeanna (c) Eric S.
Rob (c) Eric S.
Sean (c) Eric S.
Stackhouse (c) Eric S.
Parvo (c) WB
Freddy Crouger (c) Nightmare on Elm St.

Summary: Parvo gets a sinister idea. He decides to bring a horror movie character to life. The one who haunts people’s dreams. The one chosen to haunt the Cerebrus was none other than Freddy Crouger.

Setting: Parvo is on his shuttle as he sends for one of his recently appointed and newly drafted crew members. He gets ready to set out on their mission.

Parvo: Stackhouse, I’m leaving you in charge of the mission. Make sure that when you release Freddy’s D.N.A you release the nightmare gas.

Stackhouse: Yes boss. Sean, Rob, let’s move out!

Stackhouse, Sean, and Rob hot into their shuttle disguised as one of the Cerebrus mini shuttles and flies toward the Cerebrus mother ship. Mean while Cody, Nala, Kylie, and Taco finish watching a horror film.

Kylie: Gosh that movie was disgusting.

Cody: You have to admit Kylie, I thought you were going to loose your dinner back there.

Kylie: No, I was just shocked at the blood shed.

Taco: Come on chica. You were terrified.

Kylie: So what, it’s just to bloody.

Nala: It wasn’t that bad.

Kylie: Let’s just forget about it.

Taco: All right. Well chicos, I’m going to turn in for the night. Hasta luego.

Cody: Me too.

Kylie: I think we all should turn in, we have a busy day tomorrow.

Nala: All right, good night.

Nala, Taco, Kylie, and Cody head to their rooms and turn in for the night. Stackhouse, Sean, and Rob arrive at the ship.

Stackhouse: Ok guys, do you know what to do?

Rob: Yep, I run the gas and Sean releases the D.N.A.

Stackhouse: And I’ll keep a look out.

Sean: Ok, let’s get this over with.

Sean, Rob, and Stackhouse exit the mini shuttle and board the Cerebrus ship. The head to one of the main hallways where the crew members sleep.

Stackhouse: We’ll release the stuff here. Hopefully it will work.

Rob: Release the gas?

Stackhouse: Yep. Sean, release the D.N.A.

Sean releases Freddy’s D.N.A while Rob pumps the night mare gas into the hallway.

Stackhouse: Ok, that’s enough gas.

Sean: Let’s pack it up before someone hears us.

Stackhouse: Good idea.

Stackhouse, Rob, and Sean pack up their gear and exit. While they are making their exit Thunder has a conversation with Joeanna.

Joeanna: So Thunder, what’s your favorite scary movie?

Thunder: I’m not sure, I believe “Friday the 13th”

Joeanna: Oh, that’s a good one, however, I’m quiet fond of Halloween with Jamie Lee Curtis.

Just then Thunder picks up the scent of the nightmare gas.

Thunder: (sniffs air) Joeanna, do you smell that?

Joeanna: (sniffs air) Yeah…. I do. What is that?

Thunder: I don’t know, but it’s coming from the hallway.

Joeanna: Well, should we open the door?

Thunder: Well, the gas isn’t toxic, you wait here, this maybe a trap.

Joeanna: Ok.

Thunder heads to the door and slowly turns the knob. When he opens the door a big shield of red gas slowly burst into the room.

Thunder: (coughing) Oh, my. What’s going on here?

Joeanna coughing) Quick sound the alarm or something.

Thunder: (coughing) I’ll see if the others are ok.

He runs across the hall and knocks the door of Taco’s room. However Taco is sound asleep and is dreaming that he is on a beach.

(In Taco’s dream)

Taco: Whoa, far out, I’m at the beach.

Taco looks to his left and see three hot babes in their swim suits.

Taco: I must be in heaven. Look at the babes.

One of the babes walk up to Taco and begins to rub his chest.

Taco: Oh yeah, keep going.

All of a sudden the hot lady dog rubbing Taco’s chest turns into Freddy Crouger and nearly slices Taco’s chest.

Taco: Ay Gunio(gun-yo), Who are you essay?

Freddy: Your worst nightmare kid, who’s wants a hotdog?

Taco: Hey dude, you can’t kill me, I didn’t do anything.

Freddy: I know, but killing people is just my thing, besides you remind me of that ugly taco bell dog and I hate Tacos! Say your prayers you S.O.B.

Taco: Nooooooooo!

Just as Freddy prepares to stab Taco, Thunder’s knocking on the door wakes him up. Taco suddenly sits up screaming….

Taco: Nooooo!

Thud, thud, thud!

Thunder: Taco, are you ok?

Taco: I… I’m fine.

Thunder: Get out of bed. We have a gas leak!

Taco: Ok.

Just as Thunder finishes telling Taco to get out of bed Three more screams fill the hallway.

Thunder: What the hell?

Cody, Nala, and Kylie come stumbling out of their rooms in fear.

Thunder: What’s eating the three of you?

Kylie: I just had a night mare.

Cody: Me too.

Nala: So did I.

Taco over hears the conversation while comes out of his room.

Taco: Did your dream have a guy wearing a dirty red and green sweater and had knives for fingers?

Cody: Yeah, he was about to kill me but I woke up.

Kylie: Me too.

Nala: Me too.

Thunder: Now this is just to weird.

Joeanna comes out after hearing their conversation.

Joeanna: Guys, that dream wasn’t just a dream. It was real.

Cody: What are you talking about?

Joeanna: Well, look at your shirt .

Everyone looks at Cody’s shirt.

Cody: Oh god, this is where that guy tried to stab me.

Joeanna: Freddy.

Kylie: What?

Joeanna: Freddy, the killer’s name was Freddy. The legend is true.

Thunder: What legend?

Joeanna: The Legend of Freddy Crouger. He was a real killer 35 years ago. He was especially fond of killing children. A group of angry and outraged parents tracked him down at an old shack where he would take his victims and kill them. He was trapped in the shack and burned alive. Ever since the day he was burned he haunted people in their dreams. Finally in 1991 he was killed by his own daughter who vanished 6 years ago. All that was left of Freddy was a piece of his sweater that had D.N.A on it.

Thunder: Ok, what is this weird gas?

Joeanna: Night mare gas. It’s what fuels him up so he can kill.

Thunder: Damn. It must have been Parvo.

Over at Parvo’s lair, Stackhouse, Rob, and Sean arrive to see a big smile on Parvo’s face.

Parvo: Well done boys. The plan is already working, soon Freddy will eliminate the Cerebrus through their dreams.

Stackhouse: What about us sir?

Parvo stops for a minute to think. He then realizes that there is a problem.

Parvo: Blast! If we sleep he’ll kill us.

Sean: Well that’s just great.

Rob: What do we do?

Parvo: Well, let’s hope that the Cerebrus Rovers can kill him.

Meanwhile Thunder, Joeanna, Cody, Taco, Kylie, and Nala try to figure out away to kill Freddy.

Kylie: Any thoughts?

Cody: Nope.

Taco: How do you kill a dream?

Nala: Good question.

Suddenly Nala has a plan.

Nala: Have you guys ever seen “Nightmare on Elm St.”?

Cody: Yeah, Freddy is destroyed by a teenager who takes his power away.

Nala: Yes but do you remember what Freddy’s power source was.

Joeanna: Yes, he fed off of their fear and dreams.

Thunder: So we have to bring him out here and take away the energy that Kylie, Cody, Taco, and Nala gave him.

Kylie: I’d hate to be a buzz kill but how do we bring him out here?

Joeanna: Someone has to go to sleep and grab him. Then you have to wake up.

Nala: Who’s going to do it, I’m not going too.

Thunder: I’ll go, Freddy is a bunch horse pucky.

Cody: Good luck dude.

Thunder: Ok.

Thunder lies himself down on the floor.

Thunder: Cody, can you tell me a boring story?

Cody: Ok, well, in 1776 the Declaration of Independence was signed.

Cody continues with the story until Thunder falls asleep. Cody falls asleep in the process.

(Thunder’s dream)

Thunder: What the, I’m in a boiler room?

Cody comes around the corner.

Cody: Thunder, are we in a boiler room?

Thunder: I think. Where’s Freddy?

Cody: You’ve got me.

All of a sudden they hear the sound of razors scratching against a steal rail.

Cody: Do you hear that?

Thunder: Yeah.

Freddy: Welcome to my house of pain and death, who will be lucky number one?

Cody: You want us, come and get us.

Thunder and Cody split the scene and hide.

Thunder: Cody, I’m going to distract him then you come from behind and grab him.

Cody: Ok.

Thunder creeps out of their hiding place.

Thunder: Hey Freddy, I’m right here! Where are you, you son of a b****.

Freddy: I always thought that the male dogs were the S.O.B’s.

Freddy lunges at Thunder and tackles him. Cody runs out and tackles Freddy off of Thunder.

Cody: Leave him alone!

Freddy: Get off!

Freddy stabs Cody in his side with his razors. Cody screams in pain. On the outside of the dream Cody actually bleeds where he was stabbed in the dream and screams.

Nala: Oh my god! What’s wrong with Cody?!

Joeanna: He’s been stabbed, wake him up.

In the dream Thunder tackles Freddy off of Cody and wraps his arms tightly around him.

Thunder: Sorry Freddy, but your coming with me.

Freddy: Let me go!

Nala wakes Cody up.

Cody: Nooooooooooooooooo! What happened?! Thunder! Where’s Thunder?!

Nala: He’s still asleep.

Cody: Thunder has Freddy, wake him up!

Nala: Right.

Nala wakes Thunder up. When Thunder awakens he finds Freddy is not in his arms.

Thunder: Where’s Freddy?

Nala: I don’t know.

Kylie: We never saw him.

Thunder: Ok, Nala. I want you, Taco, and Kylie to take Cody into his room for now and conceal his wound. Joeanna, come with me. He’s here somewhere.

Kylie: Be careful you two.

Joeanna: We will.

Joeanna and Thunder head down the hallway to the mess hall. When they arrive the lights are flickering on and off.

Thunder: He’s in there. You go to the left and I’ll got to the right.

Joeanna: Ok.

Joeanna and Thunder split up and slowly move through the mess hall.

Thunder: Joeanna, do you see anything?

Joeanna: No, maybe he ran off.

Just then Freddy pops up from behind Joeanna and runs his razors through her back.

Thunder: Nooooooooo!

Freddy: To bad b****. I kind of liked you. As for you Thunder, you could join her.

Thunder: You won’t win.

Freddy: I already have won. You maybe safe when your awake but when you sleep your furry behinds are mine!

Thunder then freezes in his steps and remembers what Joeanna had said ealier.

Thunder: You need us.

Freddy: What?

Thunder: You need us, your nothing, it takes one to beat you and it’s going to be me.

Freddy: Your no match for me Thunder, your nothing, nothing do you hear?

Thunder: Your nothing, I gave you power, me and the others. I take it back. I take back all of the energy ever given to you.

Freddy: No, you can’t do that!

Thunder: I take it back, your nothing, nothing at all!

Freddy: Nooooooooooooo!

Freddy explodes. All that left is the small D.N.A sample he started out as.

Thunder: It’s over.

Thunder rushes over to Joeanna.

Thunder: Oh my, your still alive.

Joeanna: Yeah, but I feel like I’ve been hit by a train.

Thunder: Don’t worry, you’ll be fine.

Joeanna: What happened to Freddy?

Thunder: Freddy…is dead.

Joeanna: Good, the last ting we need is another crisis.

6 weeks have passed since that horrific day. Cody and Joeanna have recovered from their injuries and Thunder has a special surprise.

Thunder: Joeanna, do you remember what was left of Freddy when I beat him?

Joeanna: Yeah.

Thunder: Well, I took the remains and reincarnated him.

Joeanna: What do you mean?

All of a sudden a tall male White Australian Shepard walked into the room.

Joeanna: Who’s the cutie that just walked in?

Thunder: Joeanna, guys, meet Freddy.

Cody: Do you mean crazy Freddy that almost killed me?

Thunder: Don’t worry, this Freddy is 100% nice.

Freddy: Nice to meet you guys.

Taco: Que Pasa Freddy.

Freddy: Ques Pasa Taco Bell.

Taco: Hey.

Everyone laughs.

Thunder: Freddy will be Kylie’s assistant nurse.

Kylie: Yeah, I figured I could and extra hand.

Nala: Well, I guess bad guys even get a second chance.

posted 05-19-2003 09:46 PM            

Try and incorporate some emotion into your writing. Obviously you're trying to go for the movie-script feel, correct? Stanislavski said that actors' lines have to mean something in every line. Whether that is to insinuate, to hurt, to cherish, to enliven, to abuse, to hit on, to entice, etc. The characters were pretty emotionless, despite the tense surroundings.

Don't double entendre. Look at this quote:

However Taco is sound asleep and is dreaming that he is on a beach.

(In Taco’s dream)

Taco: Whoa, far out, I’m at the beach.

You just said that. There was no need to have the characters say what you just wrote. It's like going:

Cobber: "I'm not going to take this anymore, which I'm saying in a angry mood but I shall retreat into my shell whenever some asks me something that may delve into my psyche!"

That kind of information should be put down in the descriptions, not what they say.

Just some helpful advice.

posted 05-23-2003 01:17 AM            

A 'fic' is an abbreviation for 'fiction'. Fiction can mean anything made up, from literature to cinema to song. In this instance, it's meant as a story. Look how your favourite authors write, how your friends write. Do the research on your characters and think how they would react to certain criteria. Try to create three-dimensional characters, not boiling down to simple cliches and catch-phrases.

The most important advice I can give you in writing is to READ YOUR WORK ALOUD. If it doesn't sound right when you read it, then it's not right when you write it. Make sure it is short, precise and LEGIBLE. Spell check it, get your facts straight.

Every 'fic' is a story. Some are scripts, some are novels, some are crap. Choose your category and focus on that writing style. Some people prefer description over emotion, some prefer simplicity over details.

It's all personal. If you've got an imagination and a keen grasp on the English language, you can write. Anyone can write. They've just got to have the willpower to do it.

posted 05-25-2003 06:59 PM            

While it may be true that you had substandard teachers that doesn't excuse you. I had wonderful teachers and an English teacher for a mother, but I still have some problems with my writing. But I work on it whenever I can. You can't just say "well, my teachers didn't teach me well so I can't do it right and will just accept it as it is". Pick up a grammar book, if you need help outside of school.

But anyways... I agree with c00b. Put feeling and emotion into your stories.
I don't like the 'script' form of writing because it doesn't convey the same feeling to me as an actual story. Personally, I gather more from reading a story if it's written out in the traditional 'story' way, but that may just be me.

But one thing to do, no matter what, is put in detail. I hate not having enough detail! It's not enough to say 'they were scared'. How scared were they? Why? Were there different degrees of fright among the group? Explain things. Your reader needs to be able to paint an accurate picture of your story on their mind's canvas. And you're not giving them much paint to work with.

Just a suggestion. :)

posted 05-26-2003 08:58 PM              

Adios