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 a preview of my new rr story "the new guys and love"
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| Author | Topic: a preview of my new rr story "the new guys and love" |
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PhantomPH unregistered 
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posted 07-15-2003 06:11 AM
 
Settings: Road Rovers Mission Control. We go into the mission control room. We see tv screens everywhere. We also see in the center of the room a round table with numerous chairs around it. The Road Rovers are here standing alert. They seem to be waiting for someone. Hunter Blitz who is munching on a bag of potato chips simply shrugged his shoulders. Blitz Exile eyes blitz over. The sound of potato chips crunching over and over is driving him crazy. Exile Blitz simply gives Exile an annoyed look. He crunches louder on purpose. Blitz Exile smacks Blitz upside the head and Blitz starts growling at him. He throws his chips to the ground and starts extending his claws. The both angry canines start to circle each other. Colleen rolls her eyes. Colleen Blitz Colleen Blitz puts a shocked look on his face. Blitz Voice Everybody looks at the Master. He looks tired and old right now. Seems he must have right through a lot of stuff right now. Master Everybody looks toward their right where a doorway is at. Coming out of it is a male husky cano-sapien. He is blue and black. He is EXTREMELY handsome. The other is a pretty cocker spaniel who is also a cano-sapien. Tun is the husky and Vicky is the spaniel. Anyway Vicky eyes Tun over and over and Tun notices it but doesn’t say anything. He looks slightly annoyed. Tun All Road Rovers walk over to them. Blitz has a glint in his eyes as he looks at Vicky. He likes what he sees. Blitz Vicky stops eyeing Tun and looks at Blitz. Well...she doesn’t like what she sees. Vicky Blitz looks hurt and quickly walks out of the room. Tun looks even more annoyed. Colleen walks real close to Tun and eyes him. Tun also notices this and takes a step back. Colleen walks even more closer. Tun is now getting rather nervous. Tun Colleen tiptoes to Tun’s muzzle and gently kisses it and then steps back, out of her trance. Tun is stunned while Vicky looks really jealous. Exile and Hunter don’t know what to make of it. Hunter Tun who is still looking at colleen stunned just shakes his head and stares at Hunter. Tun Vicky turns to Tun and looks at him sweetly. Tun begins to sweat. Vicky Vicky starts dancing around Tun and jumps into his arm. She nuzzles him. Vicky Tun looks at her bewildered and drops her. Vicky rubs her bottom and looks at Tun confused. Tun then turns to the master quickly. Tun Master Colleen nods excitedly and grabs Tun and takes him out of the mission control room. Vicky looks at Hunter. Vicky Hunter simply nods. He walks out of the room with Vicky. Exile looks at the master confused. Exile Master just shrugs and looks away. He seems deep in thought. Settings: Hallway. Colleen Colleen jumps onto Tun’s hips and starts kissing him furiously all over his muzzle. Tun can’t stand it anymore. Tun He throws Colleen and she hits the ground hard. She gets back up and looks at him confused. Then she recollects her thoughts. Colleen Tun calms down and looks at her deeply. Colleen looks at him sadly. Colleen Tun just looks at her....and doesn’t say anything. Colleen blushes and continues to walk him down to his room. They reach it and colleen opens the door fo him. They go inside. Settings: Tun’s room. Colleen Tun looks at her and sighs. He sits down next to her and grabs her hands gently. Colleen looks down at her hands then at Tun again. Tun gently looks at Colleen. Tun Tun roars that and Colleen looks a little scared and whimpers. Tun looks at her again and sighs. He didn’t mean to roar like that. But he had wanted to make it really clear. He gently grabs Colleen’s chin and turns it toward his face. Tun Colleen simply nods and moves closer to Tun putting her head into his chest. Tun lets her do that and they were like that for a little while. Settings: Vicky’s Room. Vicky Hunter wanted to question on her other homes but decided to keep his mouth to a hush. As he left the room Vicky stopped him. Vicky Hunter simply nods and leaves the room. Vicky sits on the bed and starts thinking about Tun. She thought to herself...”I have to get that dog!”.... Settings: Back in Tun’s room. Colleen Tun chuckles. Tun Colleen smiles even wider and just puts her face back into Tun’s fur a little bit longer then she gets up. She stretches and starts to head out the room. Tun grabs her arm. Tun Colleen starts to smile even wider and loots at Tun in a strange way. Hard to explain. Colleen Tun looks at Colleen in the same strange way and wraps his arms around her neck. He whispers in her ear “ and I would be a fool to pass you up to” and then he gently lets go. Colleen turns back and blows a kiss toward him. He catches it in his hand and slaps his cheek. Colleen laughs in a pleasure way and leaves the room. Tun starts thinking “ this is the dog! This is the dog I’ve been looking for! Yesssss!” He does a back flip in the air. Settings: Road Rovers Living Room. Hunter Blitz looks at his buddy Hunter. He has been there for Blitz ever since they met and even though they had some differences they had been very good friends. Blitz sighs. Blitz Hunter puts a frown on his face. Hunter Blitz looks at Hunter shocked. But he knew what he was talking about....Colleen. Hunter Blitz knew how Hunter was feeling. He knew those emotions only to well. thats it for now. tell me if you like it so far! IP: 205.188.208.166 |
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PhantomPH unregistered
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posted 07-15-2003 01:57 PM
ah hell. i'll put the whole thing in!  Hunter Hunter leaves. Blitz feels for hunter and his pain of not wanting to get hurt by Colleen. But as Blitz glances to the tv screen Hunter sits by a corner drinking a soda. Then comes in Colleen and Tun hand in hand. Hunter gets a little upset by this but regains himself. Then the couple do the thing that Hunter hurts the most by looking at. They kiss. Hunter can no longer keep control. He goes over to Colleen, and kisses her firmly on the muzzle. Then after a few moments Colleen pushes him off firmly as he kissed. She glares coldly at him. Colleen Hunter just looks so hurt he could cry. Hunter This is just to much for Colleen and she exits the room. Hunter gives a cold glare at Tun and chases after her. Tun goes too but Hunter stops him. As a matter of fact he pushes Tun back from where Colleen went. Hunter Tun gets so angry he is about to explode! Just as he was about to pull his fist and hit Hunter Vicky enters the room. Once she sees Tun she runs up and jumps into his arms and starts kissing him all over his muzzle licking and kissing at the same time. Yuck! Anyways Hunter snickers and leaves the room after Colleen. Tun just drops Vicky and goes after the others. Vicky “hmpps!” and gets back up. She notices Blitz in his depressed state but doesn’t go over to him. She then gets a soda and sits on a table across from him. She just stares at him. Blitz stares back and they both stare at each other for a long time. Then Vicky starts to walk over but a small voice in the back of head starts to speak. “ Don’t go over to that stupid dog. He’s a depressed fool. You don’t need to be associated with that kind of crowd. You need Tun.” Vicky nods viciously and rushes out the exit. Unknown to Tun, things are gonna take an unexpected twist.
Hunter Colleen smiles and looks up and frowns when she sees its Hunter. Hunter is a little hurt by this but continues to hold out the towel. Colleen is reluctant to take the towel but after a few moments takes it. She dries herself off and while Hunter watches. Colleen notices this and is not too pleased. Colleen Hunter nods and steps back at a respectable distance. She looks at him still annoyed. Colleen Hunter looks down at his feet hurt. Then he starts to get angry real fast. Hunter Colleen slaps Hunter across the face. Tears are steaming down her face. Colleen That cut through deep. Hunter felt like a thousand knives stabbed him over and over cause with each word that Colleen pierced it gave him great pain mentally. Hunter turns around now tears in his eyes and leaves. Colleen watches him go giving him an icy glare that could make people turn into ice. As soon as Hunter leaves Tun comes in and sees the state Colleen is in. He goes over and puts his arm around her. Colleen puts her head on his shoulder. Tun Colleen just laughs through tears then she starts crying. Tun looks very concerned now. Tun Colleen looks at Tun confused. Colleen Tun makes a sarcastic laugh. Tun Colleen Tun laughs and pulls Colleen closer to him. They stay like this for quite some time then they break apart. Tun Colleen Tun gets up and leans against the wall. All he needed was the sunglasses. Tun Tun scratches his head while Colleen laughs and she heads out. Tun watches him go and he starts to leave but Hunter rushes in and pushes him into the water. They both are struggling in the water, choking each other’s necks. Exile comes in to take a swim but sees the two angry canos. So he dives in and breaks the two apart and takes them out of the pool. Exile shakes his head. Tun and Hunter are breathing hard. Tun Hunter just looks at him shocked, pushes Exile away and leaves the room. Exile scratches his head. Exile Tun nods his head. Exile is stunned but regains himself. He shakes his head in a annoyed way and looks at Tun. Exile Tun nods his head again and Exile looks around. Exile Tun Exile smiles as he goes into the pool doing the doggy paddle (typical) and Tun goes into the men’s room and changes into a swimsuit. As he comes out Vicky walks in with her suit on. She looks even more beautiful as ever. Tun is not fazed though. But Exile is. His mouth is wide open and water comes in while slobber comes out. Vicky turns to Tun posing in very sexy stances. Vicky Tun Vicky Vicky pulls Tun very close to him and takes him with her as they go into the pool. They both come up with Vicky hugging him very tight. It looks like she won’t be letting go. Her face comes close to Ten’s muzzle and she kisses him very firmly. Then after a few moments Tun pushes away upset. Vicky notices this....(does she notice everything?)...just a thought Vicky Tun looks at her with disgust. Vicky winces. Tun Vicky Tun Tun points to the other side of the pool but to make things worse Vicky ignores him and hugs him again and kisses him AGAIN firmly on the nuzzle. She keeps her hold and Tun can’t shake her off. Colleen sneaks up and grabs Vicky and tears her off. Colleen Vicky gets angry and punches Colleen right in the face but she blocks the punch and comes back with her own. Since Vicky has no skill with fighting, she takes the punch and blood is flowing from her nose. She doesn’t look so pretty now. Vicky Vicky gets out and runs away. Colleen smiles smugly but wipes the smile and looks at the face of Tun. He looks like he is about to cry. Tun Tun starts to cry. Colleen pulls him close to her and puts her head on top of his. Exile looks at them sadly. Settings: Back in the Living Room. Blitz Vicky looks at Blitz, tears rolling down her eyes. Vicky Blitz hands the tissue over to her. She takes it and holds it up to her nose. She looks at Blitz and could see the most caring dog she ever met in her entire life. Vicky jumps onto Blitz’s arms and starts kissing him furiously on the muzzle. Then...Blitz kissed back and they were now in a world of passion! Settings: Tun’s room. Tun Colleen smiles at him. Colleen Tun looks so amazed at Colleen. He could never imagined a dog so caring and thoughtful in his life than the dog that was in right of him right now. He was so grateful. Tun Colleen Tun then can’t control his emotions any longer. He grabs Colleen and gives the most meaningful kiss ever right on her muzzle. When he is finished all Colleen can say is “Wow!”. Tun smiles. Settings: Outside Tun’s room.
IP: 152.163.253.103 |
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PhantomPH unregistered
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posted 07-15-2003 07:07 PM
any opinions? anyone???????? IP: 152.163.253.103 |
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PhantomPH unregistered
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posted 07-16-2003 11:31 AM
 no one comes here anymore. i want reviews of my story if its not too much trouble.IP: 152.163.253.103 |
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DPO: Jagz Edge Agent Posts: 109 |
posted 07-16-2003 02:21 PM
^_^ I liked it. Though I'm not quite in the mood for critiquing anyone's writing right now.... *Sighs and goes to make a sandwich.* IP: 65.140.17.52 |
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Sul'sereg Silgaur Recruit Posts: 69 |
posted 07-16-2003 05:44 PM
quote: Hey man, it's only been one day. Before you start jumping to conclusions that no one comes here, why not try waiting at least 3 days before complaining. Don't forget that everytime someone signs onto the Forum, the little light bulbs WILL light up when something new has been posted. IP: 68.50.202.56 |
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Huntry Agent  Posts: 170 |
posted 07-16-2003 06:31 PM
Yea, seriously. You've had a story up for one day and it gets no reviews. Whoop-dee-freaking doo. Look at all the crap I have in "Non-RR fics" and "Other and anthro art" and you'll see how many reviews I have *grumble* I'm sorry if I sound mean but...it's really annoying when you whine about something like not being recognized for a day while I'm the chairman of Ignored Artist Inc. :-p [This message has been edited by Huntry (edited 07-16-2003).] IP: 68.74.222.28 |
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Sul'sereg Silgaur Recruit Posts: 69 |
posted 07-17-2003 06:56 PM
Well, honestly, in my opinion the story was....well, I didn't like it. It has too many flaws. One, you blew Colleen's personality WAY out of proportion. I mean, come on, she was NEVER that "horny" as you put her in your story. And how you wrote how she "lusts after a handsome dog" makes your story also sound erotic. :P Lust? C'mon, I doubt she'd even say something like that. Which brings me to my second critique, how you portray Tun, if that's the male's name, is a bit....it's too physcologically typical. You portray him as a "tough guy exterior who really wants someone" and also how you worded him as being "EXTREMELY handsome" really tells that you're focusing too much on him and how you make Colleen want him even more. All in all, it sounds like your being selfish in the story with him. You jump right in and have Colleen fall all over him, gushing over him, dumping compliments onto him, and making it look like she was in heat. This story sounds more of a "furotic" then anything else. I mean, in my opinion, the entire setup is crap. All you wrote the story to be, even right from the beginning was Colleen going "I'm hot for Tun's ass!". Now, I don't know about the rest of you reading this, but I know that Colleen would never act that way. True, a fanfic is for someone to write their way that they think is right, but in my eyes, it's just plain disgusting. Truthfully after I read the first portion I quit reading. I found it to be that bad. And then I skimmed down to the ending, and sure enough the "selfish" bit still carried. Where as you might find it alright, I find it one of the worst I've read. Personally, you got Colleen's persona all wrong and twisted it to make it go your way with your character to fulfill your dreams or whatever to make Colleen your character's "lust toy". :P And third of all, the actual writting portion of it all needs work. Try making the descriptions and wording a bit more fluid. How you wrote it made it seem all choppy and "First-timer" type writing. Now if you are a first-timer in writing a story, okay I can understand that, but keep it more fluid next time. Like instead of "They sat on the bed and they were like that for awhile" put it as "They sat on the bed and sat there for awhile, not saying a word as they stared off in opposite directions." And that's my critique. [This message has been edited by Sul'sereg Silgaur (edited 07-17-2003).] IP: 68.50.202.56 |
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John Recruit  Posts: 12 |
posted 07-17-2003 08:22 PM
[QUOTE]Originally posted by Sul'sereg Silgaur: [B]Well, honestly, in my opinion the story was....well, I didn't like it. It has too many flaws. One, you blew Colleen's personality WAY out of proportion. I mean, come on, she was NEVER that "horny" as you put her in your story. And how you wrote how she "lusts after a handsome dog" makes your story also sound erotic. :P Lust? C'mon, I doubt she'd even say something like that. Which brings me to my second critique, how you portray Tun, if that's the male's name, is a bit....it's too physcologically typical. You portray him as a "tough guy exterior who really wants someone" and also how you worded him as being "EXTREMELY handsome" really tells that you're focusing too much on him and how you make Colleen want him even more. All in all, it sounds like your being selfish in the story with him. You jump right in and have Colleen fall all over him, gushing over him, dumping compliments onto him, and making it look like she was in heat. This story sounds more of a "furotic" then anything else. I mean, in my opinion, the entire setup is crap. All you wrote the story to be, even right from the beginning was Colleen going "I'm hot for Tun's ass!". Now, I don't know about the rest of you reading this, but I know that Colleen would never act that way. True, a fanfic is for someone to write their way that they think is right, but in my eyes, it's just plain disgusting. Truthfully after I read the first portion I quit reading. I found it to be that bad. And then I skimmed down to the ending, and sure enough the "selfish" bit still carried. Where as you might find it alright, I find it one of the worst I've read. Personally, you got Colleen's persona all wrong and twisted it to make it go your way with your character to fulfill your dreams or whatever to make Colleen your character's "lust toy". :P And third of all, the actual writting portion of it all needs work. Try making the descriptions and wording a bit more fluid. How you wrote it made it seem all choppy and "First-timer" type writing. Now if you are a first-timer in writing a story, okay I can understand that, but keep it more fluid next time. Like instead of "They sat on the bed and they were like that for awhile" put it as "They sat on the bed and sat there for awhile, not saying a word as they stared off in opposite directions." And that's my critique. LMMFAO! I hear ya Sul. Now from what I've read, I didn't like it either. Let me show you just how far I got when I stoped reading it. --------------------------------------- Blitz who is munching on a bag of potato chips simply shrugged his shoulders. Blitz Exile eyes blitz over. The sound of potato chips crunching over and over is driving him crazy. Exile Blitz simply gives Exile an annoyed look. He crunches louder on purpose. Blitz Exile smacks Blitz upside the head and Blitz starts growling at him. He throws his chips to the ground and starts extending his claws. The both angry canines start to circle each other. Colleen rolls her eyes. Colleen Blitz Colleen Blitz puts a shocked look on his face. Blitz Voice Everybody looks at the Master. He looks tired and old right now. Seems he must have right through a lot of stuff right now. Master Everybody looks toward their right where a doorway is at. Coming out of it is a male husky cano-sapien. He is blue and black. He is EXTREMELY handsome. The other is a pretty cocker spaniel who is also a cano-sapien. Tun is the husky and Vicky is the spaniel. Anyway Vicky eyes Tun over and over and Tun notices it but doesn’t say anything. He looks slightly annoyed. Tun All Road Rovers walk over to them. Blitz has a glint in his eyes as he looks at Vicky. He likes what he sees. Blitz Vicky stops eyeing Tun and looks at Blitz. Well...she doesn’t like what she sees. Vicky Blitz looks hurt and quickly walks out of the room. Tun looks even more annoyed. Colleen walks real close to Tun and eyes him. Tun also notices this and takes a step back. Colleen walks even more closer. Tun is now getting rather nervous. Tun Colleen tiptoes to Tun’s muzzle and gently kisses it IP: 66.157.90.159 |
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PhantomPH unregistered
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posted 07-17-2003 09:35 PM
ok im cracking up here. oh my gosh. OH...MY...GOSH...CANT...STOP...LAUGHING. HAHAHAHAHAHA. you guys crack me up. i by NO MEANS wanted this story to be how one of you guys said "furotic" heh i just wanted to focus on relationships. no lmfao i know colleen may be a little horny...ok..well...very horny but i wanted her with someone else. not hunter. i wanted her with my character. now that may be selfish i admit. but hey it was something new i was trying to approach so oh well if colleen seemed "out of place". but i had a good laugh. i mean i took the reviews seroiusly enough but i could help but laugh. i mean comments like and quote "All you wrote the story to be, even right from the beginning was Colleen going "I'm hot for Tun's ass!". had me rolling! well all i can say is well...what can i say.....is that i won't make colleen seem like such a "toy" next time to my characters. not that i was TRYING TOO. YOU CANT ACCUSE ME OF ANYTHING! ANYHING! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA. excuse me. anyways hope i get more reviews and thanks for the ones i got thus far. but i just can't help but laugh and some of the comments that were made on my story. IP: 205.188.208.166 |
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CodyMcDowd unregistered
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posted 07-17-2003 09:39 PM
don't have a heart attack...lol, i know it's pretty damn funny but don't die...lol ------------------ IP: 205.188.208.166 |
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PhantomPH unregistered
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posted 07-17-2003 09:52 PM
i wont die cody heh but honestly my story was THE BOMB. ok so maybe it isn't the greatest story ever made but i enjoyed making it. it was good clean fun. oh and to the critics that talked about my story thus far i salute you. you gave me the best laugh i ever had. i did look it over again in all seroiusness and came to my conclusion. my story could be taken for a furotic (i will always remember that word from now on) but its not. lets not take it the wrong way. i love writng stories about the road rovers. but if this story did offend some people i deeply apoligize *someone shouts "NOT!"* HEY I DO!!!!! Anyways yes i am truly sorry so next time don't read my story. dont hate. appreciate. hahahahaha. ok im done. anyone else care to post something? lets keep this goin here. positive energy everyone! IP: 205.188.208.166 |
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PhantomPH unregistered
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posted 07-17-2003 09:59 PM
cody i have just begun laughing. i mean seroiusly guys im just having fun with my story and cared to show you guys and THIS IS WHAT I GET?! just joking. I WILL SAY THIS. COLLEEN IS NOT A WHORE AND I DID NOT INTEND TO MAKE HER ONE. i just wanted her with another man. not mister hunter. Tun is wayyy better. lol seroiusly he is. * gets thrown at with fruit* HEY IM TALKING HERE! anyways yes Tun is better than hunter in my opinion. i will make a story where tun and hunter to the death. DA DA DUMMMMM....syke i wont but it should happen. back to my point colleen was just syked over good looks and girls do crazy things over good looks riiiggghhht? well not all of em but it was MY story so I DO AS I PLEASE WITH COLLEEN YOU HEAR ME? you chose to read it therefor not making it MY fault that you were pissed off. not saying your saying its my fault you get my point. anyon else care to join in this conversation? IP: 205.188.208.166 |
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John Recruit Posts: 12 |
posted 07-17-2003 10:51 PM
quote: >_> Okey, NOW you are REALLY getting into some issues here. First off, It was you that wanted opinions on your story, so we gave them to you. YOU ask for it. You wanted it. You got it. Now I will comment you on your last post. Your NOT real good at being a smartass either. You have flaws in that too. You can laugh all you want pal. I can careless. But just remember, your the one that wanted opinions. IP: 66.157.90.159 |
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PhantomPH unregistered
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posted 07-17-2003 11:13 PM
hey i know i wanted opinions and im glad i got the ones i got. its just that they were funny opinions thats all. lets all calm down here and not get off the wrong foot. k? *laughs* IP: 69.140.226.155 |
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McCracken Recruit Posts: 57 |
posted 07-18-2003 08:05 AM
All I wanna say is that by judging Cody's and PhantomPH's ip addresses, spelling/grammatical 'style', and the fact that they're backing each other... my spider senses tell me that they are one in the same. But then again, that's just me. *Ahem* On to the critques.... ya I'm just going have to agree with what's been said. If you really wanted to do a story about relationships and how you just didn't want Colleen with Huner, well you could've done a better job at it. I mean having them start right off in each other's pants was... well... aburpt. Relationships don't work that way outside of B rate porno and well, that's basically the vibe this set off for me. But then again, that's just my opinion so if you just wanna laugh it off or take it has a constructive comment, then go for it. ------------------ IP: 65.80.133.250 |
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CodyMcDowd unregistered |
posted 07-18-2003 08:55 AM
yo mcracken, phantasm and i are diiferent, talk to him ur self. his screen name is phantasmph IP: 64.12.96.102 |
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Huntry Agent Posts: 170 |
posted 07-18-2003 01:30 PM
Yea, I didn't even read much of it but...from what I DID read it's the typical "Fan character gets one of the original characters" story. I hate those stories. They're like...retarded. I don't think I even have to back up my opinion on that one. IP: 68.73.143.154 |
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CodyMcDowd unregistered
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posted 07-18-2003 01:55 PM
After reading it carefully, you could have done something different or used a different approach, all in all you have considerable skill IP: 64.12.96.102 |
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PhantomPH unregistered
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posted 07-18-2003 01:59 PM
first off me and coby aint the same person so get the sh*t straight. second thing and i quote "it's the typical "Fan character gets one of the original characters" story. I hate those stories. They're like...retarded." jeez everone isn't giving me constructive FEEDBACK. IM GETTING BASHED! well well well.......i dont need this crap no more. oh nooooooooo i just bring my story to share with the world and what do i get....nothing but crap. i would like to see your guys story and see if you can do better. i mean *sighs then laughs* just cause colleen gets with tun and not hunter like they SHOULD BE WHICH THEY SHOULDNT CAUSE THATS NOT WHAT I WANTED IN MY STORY is cool. yes its COOOOOLLLLLLLL. i remember the last board i went to...what was it...oh yes spinners. where i rapped..yep guys i rap...im an internet mc...HAHAHAHAHA....pathidec huh? anyways i got rejected there too even though i WAS BETTER THAN THE CRAP THAT WAS THERE THAT WAS GETTING PRAISED LIKE THEY ARE LYRIC GODS! Well they were crap. pure dog cat poo and crap. they couldn't rap if they had a gun to their heads. i was so angry and i spammed the whole thing getting everybody the f*ck pissed off. am i going to do that here? noooooo but i should let you know what i have done in the past. lets just say it was "constructive feedback". anyways what im trying to say after all the load of bullsh*t i just said is that...well...what am i trying to say...oh yes....please give a guy a chance. i wanted feedback butafter the last bullcrap someone posted i want no more! calling my sh*t retarted! ho about you show me YOUR STORIES AND LET ME REVIEW YOUR WORK! yes i would like to see your stories and see how it should be done. as a matter of fact...how about you everyone who reviewed my work calling it "furotic" and saying i want colleen to fill me and my character's dreams and yadda yadda yadda show me your road rver stories. i promise i will give it a full chance and will READ THE E N T I R E THING LIKE YOU GUYS DIDN'T! and then you guys say it was that bad to not even finish reading. horsesh*t. complete crap. well now that im finished with my big speech let the flame wars roll. its me against almost the entire forum now! bring it on! IP: 205.188.208.166 |
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CodyMcDowd unregistered
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posted 07-18-2003 02:26 PM
yO! YOU NEED TO CALM THE F*CK DOWN! it's just a fic dude, they were giving some very good advice that maybe u should look into. secondly, you wanna challange people, at first i was going to lay back and try to stay out but after thinking about it, i'd rather not sit on my ass and not do anything. you wanna fight then you bring it cause there are no *******s allowed in this forum. McDowd P.s. IP: 64.12.96.102 |
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PhantomPH unregistered
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posted 07-18-2003 02:41 PM
ok now what the f*ck is happening here now. how you gonna stand up for these guys for these dudes gonna come up in my post and say my sh*t is retarted. now thats some wack a$$ sh*t right der. now i wanted constructive feedback. not no crap about erotic and having colleen acting like a whore. SHE JUST WANTED A BOYFRIEND! AND WHEN SHE SAW TUN SHE WANTED HIM. NOT FOR THE FACT THAT SHE WAS A SLUT OR A WHORE BUT FOR THE FACT THAT SHE WANTED SOMEONE IN HER LIFE. I SHOULD KNOW! WHY? CAUSE I MADE THE DAMN STORY THATS F*CK*N WHY! now sorry that i have to cuss but i gotta get my point made. now im ready to go against this entire form even alethia herself if i have to. im gonna stand my damn ground and stay the f*ck there. none of you cant come whispering "your fic is E R O T I C" n my damn ear. i aint gonna let sh*t like that go down. so hell lets start this war. me against you all! oh and one more thing...READ THE F*CK*N STORY BEFORE YOU REVIEW IT! I MEAN THE ENTIRE THING. I WANT SH*T BACKING IT UP. the only person that did that was sul. that was it. that person was the only cat that did that. then we got people coming up on here saying "duh huck! your story is retarted!" oh please go somewhere else with that bullsh*t. IP: 205.188.208.166 |
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CodyMcDowd unregistered
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posted 07-18-2003 02:48 PM
i read itr mother ****er! if u don't like it then get the **** out! IP: 64.12.96.102 |
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PhantomPH unregistered
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posted 07-18-2003 02:58 PM
hell no dog. im gonna sit here and patiently wait for these guys who mocked my story to say some sh*t at me so i can defend myself. and as for you...F*CK YOU. IP: 205.188.208.166 |
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Sul'sereg Silgaur Recruit Posts: 69 |
posted 07-18-2003 05:43 PM
Okay, I think this topic should get locked. It's getting out of hand. Would a moderator please do the honors? -Sul IP: 68.50.202.56 |
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Kris Agent Posts: 643 |
posted 07-18-2003 06:34 PM
Okay I didn't get through most of the post but 1) Phantom: Dude, you need to chill. You asked for comments and people posted them. Now they did say that they didn't like your story. That's perfectly a valid response. *runs through and reads through some of the crits more throughly* They were actually pretty valid crits. I personally couldn't get past the first few lines for one main reason. I absolute ABHOR stories that can't decide if they want to be in script or story format. But anyway. Cody, dude, chill. I know PhantomPH started it but helping fan the flames isn't going to help. PhantomPH: Might I inquire as to hold old you are because you are acting like a child. You asked for critiques and they were given. Now they were rather harsh, but from what I read they were rather valid crits. For everyone else in the Thread or Reading this thread: How about we follow with the art forum and not give harsh crits unless asked for and then the crits MUST be validated. In other words you HAVE to have reasons to back up what you say. And those asking had better accept the crits. Okay? That good. I'm gonna talk to people and get things finalized but yeah. IP: 68.1.65.121 |
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Star Agent Posts: 180 |
posted 07-18-2003 06:39 PM
And people wonder why I -left- and denied all but specific authors access to my character. >.> Look, whatever the case, same person, different person... just chill out. I have to agree with most of the others and it didn't particularly hold my interest at all. *shrugs* I'm not going to get into the rampant OOCness, the thin plot or the ...ahem... 'romantic' aspect. No. All I'm going to say is this: Spell. Checker. [This message has been edited by Star (edited 07-18-2003).] IP: 68.210.5.90 |
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PhantomPH unregistered
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posted 07-18-2003 07:22 PM
hold up. lets get this straight. i started it? no the critics did. they were against my stroy saying its erotic or how sul put it "furotic" which kinda ticked me off. then huntry comes in saying my story is retarted. she didnt say YOUR STORY IS RETARTED but referred that stories like mine is retarted which is still the same thing. now im trying to keep my cool but you know what? i came to this conclusion. the fandom is dead. you know why? i'll tell you why! tell many wack a$$ people thats why. straight crazy dawgs na mean? anyways i enjoyed making my story and THATS what counts. i made a great story that got bashed, spit on, and kicked on by you people. but atleast sul backed his sh*t up even though i hated just about everything he said. heh it was bad enough READING HIS REVIEW! yes folks it was. now i should jt keep my mouth shut about this whole thing from now on but nope i just can't. nope I WON'T! like tun said in the story HELL NO! let the flames ignite! cmon huntry show me YOUR ROAD ROVER STORIES! LETS SEE HOW GOOD YOU ARE. HMM?! MAYBE YOU CAN TEACH ME SOME POINTERS HMMM?! well also like snoop dogg said "your more of a b*tch than a b*tch. well said i might add. or did kuropt say that? i think it was snoop dogg. yes. but you know this sh*t is crazy right der dawgs. crazy. IP: 152.163.253.103 |
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Computer Dinosaur Agent  Posts: 235 |
posted 07-18-2003 07:46 PM
Phantom, when you ask for honest critique, that's what you get on this MB. Take it from this old Dinosaur. Over the years, I've gotten both great praise and harsh criticism for my fanfic stories. Some call me 'brilliant', a few call my stories 'mediocre', I take the good with the bad. I don't let the 'praise' go too far to my dinosaur brain, and I don't let the 'critics' destroy me either. It's all a part of 'growth' as a writer and as a person. Trust me on this one. ------------------ The Computer Dinosaur http://spacerovers.tripod.com IP: 69.43.21.182 |
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Sul'sereg Silgaur Recruit Posts: 69 |
posted 07-18-2003 08:23 PM
Phantom, seriously dude, you're acting like a child, just as Kris has stated. And how you're wanting to talk "ghetto" wise, is just plain non-intellectual and further shows how immature you really are. The fandom will never be dead if there are still people out there that enjoy the show and continue to write stories. But I think I mostly wanted to say this because I found your response to be childish, immature, and more then anything else, completely moronic and stupid. You stand/sit/whatever there and start talking like a thug thinking it's going to get you heard? Think again, bubba, you have a lot to learn, but then again, I do believe that someone that acts like you will never get it. And to Kris, Star, and any other Moderator/First Walker(s) that is reading this, I do humbly apologize for writing this. I realize that writing this will just ensure adding fuel to the fire but I just really needed to say something. But I promise you that I will say no more on this topic, no matter how bad Phantom might ensue in his activity to get attention and for me to say something. So, with that, I apologize for further continuing this, and promise that I will make sure not to do it again, and to let you guys perform your duties without interference. -Sul' [This message has been edited by Sul'sereg Silgaur (edited 07-18-2003).] IP: 68.50.202.56 |
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