posted 07-21-2003 04:39 PM
Ok. Here is the drill. I want feedback. And be honest about it. Im sorry for last time i asked for feedback and that it turned into a flame war so if this time someone says "I don't like it" I promise I won't get angry or mad. But please refrain from saying "Its sucks" or "You stories were always a form of writing puke" cause that will get you NO WHERE! But yea I won't get angry to any other comments and take them as constructive feedback. Well, heres hoping you like what i got down so far.Troubles In Your Own Hood
By Philip Lee
Settings: Road Rovers Library
We seen numerous book shelves next to each other going down the room. A sleek metal is the floor. There are lamps on tables between the book shelves. Blitz, a male Doberman, is here reading a book called “The Dog And His Master”. Blitz is teary eyed. Vicky comes in. She is a female Cocker Spaniel who is brown. She walks over to Blitz, who is still mesmerized in his own world.
Vicky
(interested)
What cha reading my Blitzie?
Blitz looks up surprised. When did Vicky, who only cared about herself, come into a library?
Blitz
(occupied)
um..Nothing.
Blitz hides the book behind his back. Vicky reaches around him to grab it but Blitz still hides it comfortably. Vicky is starting to get angry.
Vicky
(annoyed)
Ok Blitz give it. What are you reading honey?!
Blitz
(scared)
Um...something you would have no interests in. He he.
Vicky
(annoyed)
Who cares? Just let me see it!
Blitz nods sadly and gives her the book. When she sees it she busts out laughing.
Vicky
(tickled)
Your reading this crap? Jeez Blitz you are my boyfriend but man, why in the world are you reading kids books? Hahahahahahahaha!
Blitz looks hurt and starts to walk away. Vicky realizes what she said and grabs his arm gently.
Vicky
(understanding)
I’m sorry Blitz. I should have realized that you like to read these kinds of books and I shouldn’t have intruded. Can you forgive me?
Blitz
(Sad)
I guess I can but do you have to get on my back on everything I do and laugh?
Vicky
(understanding)
I’ll try not to anymore Blitz. I promise I’ll be a change dog from here now. Wanna shake on it?
Vicky extends her hand out. Blitz looks at it for a second and then takes it. They shake. Then they smile at each other.
Settings: Tun’s Room.
This is an ordinary room with a bed, tables, door leading into the bathroom, tv, etc. Tun, a male Husky who is black and blue, is listening to rap music coming from his boom box. His head is bobbing to each beat and he is mouthing the words. Colleen comes in. She is a female collie. She smiles at him and comes to sit in his lap. She wraps her arms around his neck and kisses him on the muzzle. Tun smiles through the kiss and turns the music off. They soon break apart.
Tun
(smug)
Damn. With a girlfriend like you, who needs a wife?
Colleen chuckles.
Colleen
(pleased)
Well guv, I just came in to see my favorite dog and see how he is doing. So, I see now you like rap music. I need to keep up with your favorite interests. Care to tell me what you like?
Tun
(smug)
Well there is this dog is red and white and does karate moves like Jackie Chan....
Colleen playfully slaps Tun on the cheek. Tun smiles even wider.
Colleen
(laughing)
Seriously guv, what do you like?
Tun thinks for a minute, pondering what could possibly be in his mind of his.
Tun
(thinking)
Well I like......
Then the alarm came on and Tun and Colleen look at each other urgently. Then they get up and rush out of the room.
Settings: Road Rovers Mission Control.
On both sides of the room (with two doors leading into the room) there are miniature tv screens. In the middle of the room is a huge tables with chairs seated around it. And in the front of the room in front of the table is a big tv screen as well. The Road Rovers come in running. The Master is setting in one of the chairs. He is a middle aged man who has glowing white eyes. He doesn’t look happy. Before he speaks, Hunter shoots a jealous look at Colleen and Tun.
Master
(urgent)
My Rovers. We have a extremely bad emergency here. A bunch of people broke into our base and their intentions I have no idea of. All I know is, we have to stop them before they can do any harm here.
Hunter
(blunt)
When did they come in?
Master
(concerned)
I don’t know. But a surveillance camera of ours spotted them. They are wearing black masks, black shirts...hell, everything they are wearing are black. Just stop them please! Also, they are armed with machine guns and the like. You may want to take spacial caution with these guys.
Hunter salutes the master.
Hunter
(blunt)
We will stop them. We are dogs with a mission. We are the Road Rovers!
Everyone howls. Hunter gives Tun the evil eye while howling but Tun never noticed. Hunter growls slightly.
Settings: Road Rovers hallway.
This is an ordinary hallway with doors on both sides. There is a group of people in black clothing with guns in their hands running down it. The guy in front talks in his walkie talkie.
Guy 1
(blunt)
We are in their base. What are our orders now.
Then a voice answers him. It sounds familiar.
Voice
(evil)
Kill them. Make sure there is blood everywhere. Teach these dogs that they will never be accepted anywhere in this world. And also teach them that they will live short lived lives. Let me know how things go. Im out.
The leader puts his walkie talkie in his pouch around his belt and keeps running. Then a figure jumps at him and does a flying kick in his face.
Colleen
(screaming)
MICHAEL JACKSON!
The leader flies back into the others and they all stumble onto the floor. But they quickly get up. But before they do Tun comes in charging into one of them knocking him into a wall, knocking him out. Five more to go.
Tun
(smug)
Well these guys are a little bit TOO easy.
Colleen
(smug)
Tell me about it.
The rest of the other Rovers come in. Exile freezes their guns and the soldiers throws them away. Why didn’t Exile freeze the guys themselves you say?
Exile
(amused)
I didn’t freeze you comrades because it wouldn’t be too much fun. We don’t like guys like you crashing into our base without a invitation.
Hunter scratches his head.
Hunter
(confused)
When did we ever give invitations to evil guys in black suits?
Exile sighs. The leader gives a confused look then gets angry.
Leader
(angry)
Enough! Even without our guns, we are still just as lethal!
Colleen
(smug)
Even with guns, your not even a blooming threat.
The leader screams at Colleen and goes charging. Everyone watches. Colleen gives a swift kick into the leader’s face and he grabs his face. As he does so, Colleen gives another low kick, making him fall into the ground. Then Colleen picks up, does a furry of punches, then jumps connecting her knee with his chin. The aftermath isn’t pretty. He takes off his mask and it turns out he is a cano-sapien just like the Rovers. His nose is bleeding. While the Rovers are stunned, The soldiers take their chance to charge right into them. It goes into a whole dimension of fighting. Hunter runs super fast and slams into one of the soldiers knocking him straight into the ground. Tun gives a powerful punch into the soldier’s nose breaking it. Exile elbows one of them in the face making him grab it in pain. Blitz bites one in the butt but as he does so the soldier does a backward kick into Blitz’s stomach. Blitz stumbles over.
Blitz
(in pain)
Hey. No fair!
The soldier smiles through his mask and turns around to see Vicky giving a kick into his mouth then takes it out, breaking his teeth. Shag just hides away from them. After colleen gives on more kick into the leader’s nose which is already bad as it is, he falls over on the ground, knocked out. Just like the leader, the soldiers all fall over to the ground. Hunter takes off all their masks revealing them to all be cano-sapiens. He grabs one of them.
Hunter
(confused)
Who the hell are you guys and want do you what?
The soldier looks at him sternly.
Soldier
(stern)
Im not telling any dog anything. You guys make me want to puke!
Exile
(confused)
But you comrade, you are dogs also.
The soldiers laugh. Then the same one talks again.
Soldier
(blunt)
We were once humans. We were running a military operation into some cano-sapien wacko’s base who was experimenting on humans. Trying to turn them into dogs. We came in to stop him. Well his cano-mutents overpowered us and threw us in some machine. Don’t remember what its called. But needless to say, we are dogs for life. But we escaped and now we are killing any cano-sapien that we can find.
Tun
(confused)
But how did you find our base?
The soldiers laugh again.
Soldier
(sneering)
Why don’t you ask Vicky over there. She gave us the location.
Everyone looks at her. She shrugs her shoulders in alarm.
Vicky
(shocked)
What? I didn’t tell anyone outside of here this location.
Hunter
(stern)
Then how does he know your name?
Vicky hangs her head in shame.
Vicky
(sad)
Im sorry. But im one of them two. I was part of that group that went into that base to stop the experiments. I was then sent here to trick you guys into trusting me so I can tell these guys *points at soldiers* the location of this base so they can kill you. There. I said it.
Blitz
(shocked)
But how could you? I LOVED YOU!
The soldiers start cracking up at that. Blitz extends his claws and they all shut up. Vicky looks at Blitz with tears in her eyes.
Vicky
(depressed)
Im so sorry Blitz but we are doing this for the world. No cano-sapien can ever again do what that idiot did to ensure that we shall kill all of you!
Vicky takes out a gun and sets it on kill, then points it at the rovers.
Vicky
(sad)
Sorry Blitz but this is how the game goes. And for you....its game over.
She points the gun at Blitz’s chest and fires. It hits him right in the center. He screams in pain.