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Author Topic:   my new story "Troubles in Your Own Hood"
PhantomPH
unregistered
posted 07-21-2003 04:39 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Ok. Here is the drill. I want feedback. And be honest about it. Im sorry for last time i asked for feedback and that it turned into a flame war so if this time someone says "I don't like it" I promise I won't get angry or mad. But please refrain from saying "Its sucks" or "You stories were always a form of writing puke" cause that will get you NO WHERE! But yea I won't get angry to any other comments and take them as constructive feedback. Well, heres hoping you like what i got down so far.

Troubles In Your Own Hood
By Philip Lee

Settings: Road Rovers Library
We seen numerous book shelves next to each other going down the room. A sleek metal is the floor. There are lamps on tables between the book shelves. Blitz, a male Doberman, is here reading a book called “The Dog And His Master”. Blitz is teary eyed. Vicky comes in. She is a female Cocker Spaniel who is brown. She walks over to Blitz, who is still mesmerized in his own world.

Vicky
(interested)
What cha reading my Blitzie?

Blitz looks up surprised. When did Vicky, who only cared about herself, come into a library?

Blitz
(occupied)
um..Nothing.

Blitz hides the book behind his back. Vicky reaches around him to grab it but Blitz still hides it comfortably. Vicky is starting to get angry.

Vicky
(annoyed)
Ok Blitz give it. What are you reading honey?!

Blitz
(scared)
Um...something you would have no interests in. He he.

Vicky
(annoyed)
Who cares? Just let me see it!

Blitz nods sadly and gives her the book. When she sees it she busts out laughing.

Vicky
(tickled)
Your reading this crap? Jeez Blitz you are my boyfriend but man, why in the world are you reading kids books? Hahahahahahahaha!

Blitz looks hurt and starts to walk away. Vicky realizes what she said and grabs his arm gently.

Vicky
(understanding)
I’m sorry Blitz. I should have realized that you like to read these kinds of books and I shouldn’t have intruded. Can you forgive me?

Blitz
(Sad)
I guess I can but do you have to get on my back on everything I do and laugh?

Vicky
(understanding)
I’ll try not to anymore Blitz. I promise I’ll be a change dog from here now. Wanna shake on it?

Vicky extends her hand out. Blitz looks at it for a second and then takes it. They shake. Then they smile at each other.

Settings: Tun’s Room.
This is an ordinary room with a bed, tables, door leading into the bathroom, tv, etc. Tun, a male Husky who is black and blue, is listening to rap music coming from his boom box. His head is bobbing to each beat and he is mouthing the words. Colleen comes in. She is a female collie. She smiles at him and comes to sit in his lap. She wraps her arms around his neck and kisses him on the muzzle. Tun smiles through the kiss and turns the music off. They soon break apart.

Tun
(smug)
Damn. With a girlfriend like you, who needs a wife?

Colleen chuckles.

Colleen
(pleased)
Well guv, I just came in to see my favorite dog and see how he is doing. So, I see now you like rap music. I need to keep up with your favorite interests. Care to tell me what you like?

Tun
(smug)
Well there is this dog is red and white and does karate moves like Jackie Chan....

Colleen playfully slaps Tun on the cheek. Tun smiles even wider.

Colleen
(laughing)
Seriously guv, what do you like?
Tun thinks for a minute, pondering what could possibly be in his mind of his.

Tun
(thinking)
Well I like......

Then the alarm came on and Tun and Colleen look at each other urgently. Then they get up and rush out of the room.

Settings: Road Rovers Mission Control.

On both sides of the room (with two doors leading into the room) there are miniature tv screens. In the middle of the room is a huge tables with chairs seated around it. And in the front of the room in front of the table is a big tv screen as well. The Road Rovers come in running. The Master is setting in one of the chairs. He is a middle aged man who has glowing white eyes. He doesn’t look happy. Before he speaks, Hunter shoots a jealous look at Colleen and Tun.

Master
(urgent)
My Rovers. We have a extremely bad emergency here. A bunch of people broke into our base and their intentions I have no idea of. All I know is, we have to stop them before they can do any harm here.

Hunter
(blunt)
When did they come in?

Master
(concerned)
I don’t know. But a surveillance camera of ours spotted them. They are wearing black masks, black shirts...hell, everything they are wearing are black. Just stop them please! Also, they are armed with machine guns and the like. You may want to take spacial caution with these guys.

Hunter salutes the master.

Hunter
(blunt)
We will stop them. We are dogs with a mission. We are the Road Rovers!

Everyone howls. Hunter gives Tun the evil eye while howling but Tun never noticed. Hunter growls slightly.

Settings: Road Rovers hallway.
This is an ordinary hallway with doors on both sides. There is a group of people in black clothing with guns in their hands running down it. The guy in front talks in his walkie talkie.
Guy 1
(blunt)
We are in their base. What are our orders now.

Then a voice answers him. It sounds familiar.

Voice
(evil)
Kill them. Make sure there is blood everywhere. Teach these dogs that they will never be accepted anywhere in this world. And also teach them that they will live short lived lives. Let me know how things go. Im out.

The leader puts his walkie talkie in his pouch around his belt and keeps running. Then a figure jumps at him and does a flying kick in his face.

Colleen
(screaming)
MICHAEL JACKSON!

The leader flies back into the others and they all stumble onto the floor. But they quickly get up. But before they do Tun comes in charging into one of them knocking him into a wall, knocking him out. Five more to go.

Tun
(smug)
Well these guys are a little bit TOO easy.

Colleen
(smug)
Tell me about it.

The rest of the other Rovers come in. Exile freezes their guns and the soldiers throws them away. Why didn’t Exile freeze the guys themselves you say?

Exile
(amused)
I didn’t freeze you comrades because it wouldn’t be too much fun. We don’t like guys like you crashing into our base without a invitation.

Hunter scratches his head.

Hunter
(confused)
When did we ever give invitations to evil guys in black suits?

Exile sighs. The leader gives a confused look then gets angry.

Leader
(angry)
Enough! Even without our guns, we are still just as lethal!

Colleen
(smug)
Even with guns, your not even a blooming threat.

The leader screams at Colleen and goes charging. Everyone watches. Colleen gives a swift kick into the leader’s face and he grabs his face. As he does so, Colleen gives another low kick, making him fall into the ground. Then Colleen picks up, does a furry of punches, then jumps connecting her knee with his chin. The aftermath isn’t pretty. He takes off his mask and it turns out he is a cano-sapien just like the Rovers. His nose is bleeding. While the Rovers are stunned, The soldiers take their chance to charge right into them. It goes into a whole dimension of fighting. Hunter runs super fast and slams into one of the soldiers knocking him straight into the ground. Tun gives a powerful punch into the soldier’s nose breaking it. Exile elbows one of them in the face making him grab it in pain. Blitz bites one in the butt but as he does so the soldier does a backward kick into Blitz’s stomach. Blitz stumbles over.

Blitz
(in pain)
Hey. No fair!

The soldier smiles through his mask and turns around to see Vicky giving a kick into his mouth then takes it out, breaking his teeth. Shag just hides away from them. After colleen gives on more kick into the leader’s nose which is already bad as it is, he falls over on the ground, knocked out. Just like the leader, the soldiers all fall over to the ground. Hunter takes off all their masks revealing them to all be cano-sapiens. He grabs one of them.

Hunter
(confused)
Who the hell are you guys and want do you what?

The soldier looks at him sternly.

Soldier
(stern)
Im not telling any dog anything. You guys make me want to puke!

Exile
(confused)
But you comrade, you are dogs also.

The soldiers laugh. Then the same one talks again.

Soldier
(blunt)
We were once humans. We were running a military operation into some cano-sapien wacko’s base who was experimenting on humans. Trying to turn them into dogs. We came in to stop him. Well his cano-mutents overpowered us and threw us in some machine. Don’t remember what its called. But needless to say, we are dogs for life. But we escaped and now we are killing any cano-sapien that we can find.

Tun
(confused)
But how did you find our base?

The soldiers laugh again.

Soldier
(sneering)
Why don’t you ask Vicky over there. She gave us the location.

Everyone looks at her. She shrugs her shoulders in alarm.

Vicky
(shocked)
What? I didn’t tell anyone outside of here this location.

Hunter
(stern)
Then how does he know your name?

Vicky hangs her head in shame.

Vicky
(sad)
Im sorry. But im one of them two. I was part of that group that went into that base to stop the experiments. I was then sent here to trick you guys into trusting me so I can tell these guys *points at soldiers* the location of this base so they can kill you. There. I said it.

Blitz
(shocked)
But how could you? I LOVED YOU!

The soldiers start cracking up at that. Blitz extends his claws and they all shut up. Vicky looks at Blitz with tears in her eyes.

Vicky
(depressed)
Im so sorry Blitz but we are doing this for the world. No cano-sapien can ever again do what that idiot did to ensure that we shall kill all of you!

Vicky takes out a gun and sets it on kill, then points it at the rovers.

Vicky
(sad)
Sorry Blitz but this is how the game goes. And for you....its game over.

She points the gun at Blitz’s chest and fires. It hits him right in the center. He screams in pain.



IP: 205.188.208.166

PhantomPH
unregistered
posted 07-21-2003 05:31 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
A little bit more of my story. You see it first only on Alethia's forum!

She points the gun at Blitz’s chest and fires. It hits him right in the center. He screams in pain.
The Rovers rush up to him and Vicky is crying her heart out. The soldiers smile at them. Wicked, twisted smiles.

Hunter
(concerned)
Blitz your gonna be ok. We gonna get you to the medical center and get you fixed up ok buddy?

Blitz
(in pain)
Just...hurry up Hunta. Don’t know how much longer....I can put up with the pain....

Vicky just slumps to the ground crying. Exile freezes her, along with the soldiers. They can’t move at all. Hunter carries Blitz to the medical center with the others following him. Little do they know that the soldiers are melting very fast due to some ultra powerful heaters that they have.

Settings: Road Rovers Medical Center.
There are beds, different kinds of medical instruments, and the like. Blitz is on one fo the beds in a medical gown. He isn’t looking to good. Colleen is working on him, her hands in gloves, covered in blood. The rest look shaky. Colleen looks at them sternly.

Colleen
(stern)
Hey you think you guys could give me and Blitz some space? He does need your support, but do you have to watch what I’m doing to him?

Hunter
(sick)
Well....um...I guess you have a point!

Hunter runs to the nearest trash can and throws up. The rest shake their heads. After minutes of high tension, Colleen walks over to the Rovers who moved away from Blitz. She was a grin on her face.
Colleen
(happy)
I never thought I would say this but.....Blitz is saved and I’m happy!

The Rovers cheer on and Hunter walks over the bed.

Hunter
(smooth)
So Blitz how you feeling buddy?

Blitz looks at hunter with a weak smile.

Blitz
(blunt)
I haven’t as much pain in my life but im gonna make it and thanks to colleen...the last person I thought would save my life.

Hunter smiles at that and looks at Colleen. “What I wouldn’t give to be with that dog” He thought to himself surely. “But she is Tun’s now and well...I should have told her my feelings long ago”. Hunter sighs at that and walks back to the celebrating Rovers. But they celebration is soon short lived as the soldiers come in the room. They take out pistols from their belts and points them at the Rovers. Vicky walks over to Blitz and points her gun at him. She sighs. She also talks with no emotion.

Vicky
(blunt)
So you lived huh? Well its to finish you off like the dog you are. Im putting you to sleep!

Hunter screams and runs over to Vicky and smacks the gun out of her hand just as she was about to shoot Blitz. He glares with so much hatred at her that it makes her shudder.

Hunter
(enraged)
HOW DARE YOU! With all the love he gave you and you still want to kill him? Well...how about I kill you.

Hunter punches Vicky in the face then grabs the gun of her while she is stunned and points it at her. The soldiers are weary now.

Vicky
(smug)
Well I know im safe cause you won’t kill me. Your to goody goody for this kind of sh*t to go down. You do anything for justice. Last time I checked, justice didn’t include harming an unarmed lady.

Hunter hand’s shakes and he knew he wanted to pull that trigger. But she was right. He just couldn’t do it. He lowered his gun...But he had a smile on his face.

Hunter
(smug)
But that doesn’t mean I can’t STUN YOU!

He puts the blaster on stun and shoots Vicky. She is paralyzed and cannot move. She falls to the ground twitching. Hunter smiles and turns around to find a soldier pointing a gun in his face. But unknown to him, Hunter was just to face and quickly takes the gun away from him and smashes it in to.


.

IP: 205.188.208.166

John
Recruit

Posts: 12
Registered: Feb 2004

posted 07-21-2003 05:50 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for John     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Oh, You just posted the other part. Ok u_u *reads*

[This message has been edited by John (edited 07-21-2003).]

IP: 67.35.244.143

John
Recruit

Posts: 12
Registered: Feb 2004

posted 07-21-2003 06:01 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for John     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Not bad so far.

IP: 67.35.244.143

PhantomPH
unregistered
posted 07-21-2003 07:24 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
My latest update. It gets better and better. Trust me on this.


The soldier looks stunned and this gave Hunter a chance to give a swift punch in the soldier’s gut and while he doubled over, Hunter elbowed him over the head, knocking him out. The rest of the soldiers didn’t know where to point there guns to and to everyone’s surprise, Blitz jumps in the air, claws extended, and does a flip into a soldier knocking him down. Then he claws his way through all of their pistols. Then silence comes in an unexpected way. No one knew what to say at that feat...except Hunter.

Hunter
(awed)
Woah....cooooooool.

Blitz
(smug)
Hey....one bullet can’t stop the famous Blitz!

Blitz puffs out his chest. Colleen rolls her eyes. But still has a smile on her face. The soldiers get in defensive stances. The Rovers then ROLL their eyes.

Colleen
(bored)
Oh blooming great. These guys want to go through another round of a** kicking. Well like they say...bring it on.

The soldiers then charge at the Rovers. Colleen dodges a punch and gives one with all her might, breaking the soldier’s nose. The soldier rolls over in pain but takes out a razor and cuts Colleen on her arm. She screams out in pain and then in pure anger, kicks him in the groin, knocking him out. Meanwhile, Exile gives a powerful kick into a soldier’s chest knocking the air out of him. While struggling for air, Exile smacks him in the face then elbows him in the mouth, making him bleed, then for one more move, Exile gives a powerful blow into the soldier’s knee, breaking it. The soldier is in so much pain that he just falls down into the pain whimpering. Exile smiles smugly. Blitz is having some trouble with one soldier since his chest feels like his on fire, so Hunter comes in super fast running around in circles around the soldier making him confused. Then while he is getting dizzy Blitz gives a uppercut into the soldier’s chin, making him go through a glass window. Shag is backing up into a corner with the leader holding a needle labeled “kill” with some liquid in it is in his hands. Before he can inject it into shag, Blitz claws at the leader’s back, giving him a deep gash. The soldier cries in pain, then falls to the ground. Shag gives Blitz a thumbs up, then he gets up himself. The Rovers look at the carnage they just created.

Hunter
(blunt)
Damn. It’s a mess in here. Looks like you have SERIOUS cleaning to do Colleen.

Colleen looks at Hunter bewildered!

Colleen
(shocked)
Me? Excuse me guv but it looks like we all have cleaning to do. This is our medical center. Not MINE.

Hunter shrugs his shoulders and they all grab each soldier and carries them to the Road Rover cells.

Settings: Road Rovers Prison.
There is a hallway with Prison cells on each side. Currently there is no one in there. The Rovers throws each soldier including the leader in there. Also Vicky in there too. The Rovers look at the soldiers smugly.

Hunter
(blunt)
Well we will give you some time to think over everything guys. Then if we can’t convince you that we are the good guys, we will hand you over to the authorities. In case you don’t know what that means, it’s the police.

The leader growls. Blitz gives Hunter a high five and they both laugh at the leader. The Rovers leaves them to ponder at their situation. Vicky whimpers at Blitz giving him puppy eyes. Blitz is unaffected and sticks his tongue at her. She looks away sadly. Blitz “Hmmps” and leaves. The soldiers look at each other. But one thing Hunter forgot is to take away their walkie talkies. The leader takes his out and radios in to his leader. He isn’t happy.

Voice
(angry)
What do you mean you got captured?! They are just dogs, what could go wrong?

Leader
(sorry)
Boss, they have super powers, they got powers beyond-

Leader
(interrupting)
I don’t care if they have power of gods to change the weather! What I do care is that they are dead? D E A D DEAD! Well sit tight im sending my robots to take care of these menaces. If the living can’t get the job done right, then your own creations might have the right tools to do it. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Leader
(confused)
I really don’t see anything funny right now...........

Voice
(annoyed)
Well I do so it doesn’t matter what you think you idiot! Now just sit there and what till the fireworks begin cause once its over, nothing around will survive!

Settings: Road Rovers Mission Control
The Rovers are there explaining the situation to the Master. He looks concerned.

Master
(blunt)
Well we have to convince them to join our cause. They can be a great help to us. We just need some evidence that whoever that they are working for is wrong. But who......

Suddenly the Master snaps his fingers.

Master
(seeing)
AHA! Its Parvo! Who hates us more than anyone else? Who would send someone instead of himself to do his dirty work? Its Parvo! Now all we have to do now is to convince these soldiers that what they are doing is wrong and that Parvo is the bad guy. But how?

They all think. Then Hunter speaks.

Hunter
(thinking)
I think its time me and the soldiers have a little talk.

Settings: Road Rovers Prison
We are back in the prison. Hunter walks up to the leader. He slowly looks up at Hunter and sneers at him.

Leader
(annoyed)
What do YOU want?

Hunter just smiles.

Hunter
(blunt)
We know how you work for. Parvo.

Leader looks at Hunter confused,

Leader
(confused)
How would you know how we are working for? First off, he never told us his name, second thing if you know him tell us what he looks like. Then maybe I will believe its Parvo because he is the worse scum and I would NEVER work for him.

Hunter
(smug)
Robot arm, robot leg, metal plate on his head, muscular, should I do on?

Leader
(shocked)
But how did you-

Hunter
(interrupting)
Long story. To make things short, we fought him before and we know enough about him to put him behind bars for life. But he always escapes so its always useless to do that. Anyway though Now you know the truth, will you work for us. We work to fight against people like Storm, Havoc, and Parvo. Believe me, I know deep in your heart that you don’t want to be a bad guy.

The Leader thinks for a moment and nods his head.

Leader
(blunt)
Ok I will work for you. On one condition. If me men and women agree.

Hunter and the Leader look at the soldiers and Vicky. They all nod. Hunter smiles even wider.

Hunter
(pleased)
Ok then. I will release you.

Hunter opens up each cell and the soldiers come out. Some of them stretch and they follow Hunter out of the Prison.




.

IP: 152.163.253.103

PhantomPH
unregistered
posted 07-21-2003 08:21 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
My final update. Things get hectic now folks!


Settings: Road Rovers Mission Control
We are once again in here. The Rovers are pacing around. The Hunter and the soldiers enter. The Rovers turn to look at them.
Hunter
(happy)
Well guys I convinced them. They are now on our side!

Master
(pleased)
Good job Hunter. Now I have a question to you guys. How did you find our base?

Leader
(blunt)
Oh that’s easy. Parvo had a satellite to track you down. How he got his hands on one, I have no idea.

Master
(pondering)
Guess he must have stole one. That’s the only way he could have found out about here.

Leader
(blunt)
Yep. Now if you don’t mind I.....

The leader’s walkie talkie was beeping. He answered it.

Leader
(smug)
Parvo? Yes we know ITS YOU! You loser! You sold us out. And I bet when you had send your robots over here you are gonna blow us up huh? What? So that was your plan! You a**hole! I’ll make sure you burn in hell for this. And when you see the devil in the burning depths, send him my thanks for torturing your soul for me!

The Leader slams his walkie talkie on the ground, stepping on it for extra measure. Then he turns to the Rovers.

Leader
(blunt)
I just wanna say....thanks...for showing us the light.

Tun
(glad)
No problem. We fight for a good cause. And believe me. Its worth it. Even though this is my first mission.

Colleen puts an arm around Tun. Hunter sees this and slightly winces. But regains himself. The Leader and the soldiers all smile. Vicky walks over to Blitz, not sure what to say.

Vicky
(unsure)
Blitz...Im so sorry...words can’t describe what I’ve done. Please forgive me.

Blitz thinks.

Blitz
(blunt)
Well lets see. You point a gun at me. You shoot me. You almost kill me. Then you try to kill me again. Hmmmm..well I guess I can put this behind me. Welcome back to being my girlfriend.

Blitz smiles smugly. Vicky hugs him tight and everyone smiles at the sight of them. But their happiness is soon out lived cause gigantic robots come out through the ceiling with gatling guns for hands. Parvo on a small spaceship comes and lands on the table. He smiles. Everyone gasps.

Parvo
(evil)
Well my friends. How does it feel to be under my wraith? HAHAHAHAHA. And as for you soldiers...how dare you betray me?! After the care I gave for you?! Well no matter! Robots...kill them!

The robots are about to fire upon them until Hunter takes out a whistle on blows on it. The robots turn on him and float toward him. Hunter races out of the room at super speed. The robot jets turn on and they all chase after him. Parvo is shocked.

Parvo
(urgent)
No don’t go after him. Over here. Kill these guys! NOOOOOOO!

Parvo is about to get back on his spaceship but Colleen does a flying kick at his back and knocks him on the ground. Parvo stares up at her.

Colleen
(smug)
Your not going anywhere guv.

Settings: Hallway
Hunter is seen racing through numerous hallways while the robots are hot on his trail. When Hunter makes a turn, A robot crashes through a wall blocking his way. Hunter “yipes!” and proceeds another hallway but out a room crashes another robot. Hunter turns around and runs the other way but is soon trapped. He looks for a means of escape and sees a gap between of the robots legs. Hunter looks disgusted, but this is no time to think of this, he thought to himself. H slides under the robot as it fires, destroying one of the robots in its path. He runs away from them but soon one of the robots fires heat seeking missiles at Hunter. He keeps running and ducks into a room and one of the missiles misses him and slams into a wall, blowing it up into a black mess. Hunter looks out of the hallway both ways. Nothing is there. So he casually walks out but a robot comes crashing through the ceiling above him. It nearly crushes him. It then stares at Hunter through it robotics eyes. Hunter just stares back. Then the robot slowly but fast at the same time punches Hunter into a wall. He twirls around dizzily but regains himself and then races through another hallway. He keeps racing for his life while the robot is hot on the trail. Hunter stops and the robots starts sliding at him and falls over. Hunter jumps in the air over the robot and the robot can’t get back up. Hunter walks over and punches his way through the robotic skull exposing its brains. He takes it out and steps on it, crushing it. The robot starts squirming and then stops. Hunter smiles.

Hunter
(smug)
Looks like you had a malfunction. Heh-

He doesn’t have time to laugh as the last robot comes straight into him. Hunter screams and zips along the hallway, running in circles around it. The Robot is relentlessly crashing through the hallway, not stopping until his target is dead. Hunter then stops, turns around, and charges at the robot. The robot keeps going faster. So does Hunter. Then Hunter springs toward and with all his speed combined crashes through the robot and goes through the other side! The robot stands for a second electrocuting. Then it blows up into lots of pieces. Hunter shakes his hands in a naughty fashion and zips back to mission control.

Settings: Road Rovers Mission Control.
Once again we are back into the mission control. Parvo is in handcuffs and the Rovers are talking to each other. Hunter zips in and everyone turns to him.

Hunter
(casual)
wassup guys! Robots are destroyed!

Everyone cheers. Hunter bows humbly. Parvo sneers. The soldiers lead him out to take him to the police. Hunter watches him go. Colleen walks up to him.

Colleen
(blunt)
You ever think there could be a me and you?

Hunter
(confused)
Huh?

Colleen
(sad)
Never mind hunty.

Colleen walks away. Hunter looks at her confused. And then realizes what she just said. Hunter muttered under his breath “dammit. Oh well. There will be a next time. I guarantee it!” And with that, Hunter looked up through the crashed wall into the sunset. He sighed. What a beautiful sight. Then Hunter sighed. Just like Colleen............

The End.






IP: 152.163.253.103

CodyMcDowd
unregistered
posted 07-21-2003 09:02 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
nice job, pretty good ending, i just don't why u want colleen to date tun, when i made my char i made him a girlfriend as well. any who, hope to see more in the futrue

adios
McDowd

IP: 205.188.208.166

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